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[29 Nov 2009|11:26pm] |
the start of my one week leave...
dont know how am i gona spend my week.. kinda regret taking such a long leave..
Watched my taiwan drama yesterday, but dont know why in the middle of the show i broke into tears. That scene really reminded me of something that i dont wish to remember.. but somehow i know the memory of it will stay within me..
Managed to finish the work that i procrastinated for the past few days.. entire day today is devoted to reading SMDN/WB.. :((
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I looked at the sky everynight before i sleep, its the same sky we share..
hope that everything is fine for you and you are living well.. most imptly, hope that the smile on yr face will never fade..
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| Christmas |
[26 Nov 2009|03:35pm] |
xmas...used to be my favourite festive season.. but this year seems like something is missing..
To be frank,until now the possibilities of me spending christmas alone has never come across my mind.. i used to think that even when all my friends are gone, at least i still have that someone in my life and its all i ask for. Well perhaps after this year, christmas would no longer be as special anymore.
To all who has a love one to celebrate with..im reaally envious...
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[15 Nov 2009|10:51am] |
maybe after all these time,
the past is history to you and
im just a passer-by in ur life's journey..
whatever it is, im sure life would be much better..
at least i hope so.
might never be able to see you again,
but im sure im able to see you in my dreams..
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| more updates |
[14 Nov 2009|11:47am] |
And how can i forget to mention about that incident...
so gross. its the second time in my life that i misjudged someone. eew. the kind of guy who cast a net and tries his luck to see what kind of fishes he'll catch? well, i dont think his age justify his actions cos it just mean that you are 'cheating' girls out there (in a way la i think). this kind of people just turns me off. U need to know what u are looking for and not going around asking every gal out and trying your luck? No wonder i sense something wrong with that over-friendly gesture. so i guess that's it. better to keep dat mile of distance. im not going to be anyone's fish.
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| 2012 |
[14 Nov 2009|11:15am] |
i've been watching reviews of this show on CNA.
PTM gave it a popcorn rating of 3 popcorns! - good but not great.
maybe head down to catch this show later after i have enuf rest. been working 6-3pm shift for the past 7 days.. and i wont get any rest until next weekend.
am in a serious sleep-deprived state.
Went to catch Jennifer's body few days back after work and i thought Megan was super hot in the show! Although i watched it alone, it wasnt that bad afterall cos i think im memsmerised by her throughout the entire show.
oh and the other day J calculated my birth date and did some fortune telling for me. well, obviously my love life is a mess BUT i guess there's nothing for me to fret about since its not within my control. Character clash and all but at least i did make an effort to change. i did all i could.
And.. im resigned to my fate. if i get to stay, good for me.. if not, i'll just have to search for greener pastures. there are many things that i disagree upon but obviously you wouldnt wana hear my explanation. I dont even think you got the facts right in the first place. yes maybe its the way i live my life, that im not assertive enough and cos of that i cause disruptions. whatever it is, i just hate to feel threatened. I feel i need to be given a fair ground for this matter.
on a happier note, im looking forward to going to Maldives. get myself a tan, take beautiful pictures and spare myself some time for self-reflection. ha.
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| Its something called gravity |
[12 Nov 2009|10:06am] |
Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.
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[11 Nov 2009|02:07pm] |
I always believe when happiness is with you, you tend to overlook the things that are missing in your life. You thought you have everything, but actually when you really took a closer look.. you've never had anything before..
And.. you cant lose what you've never had.
it took me so long to understood this. that it could all be just a dream from the start.
[I cherish all my friends and my love extends to all of you. especially for all the help at the lowest point of my life. But like i always said, the problem lies with me. i had to be alone in order to refrain from interrupting others' lives. anyone close to me would be vulnerable to getting hurt.. and definitely i wouldnt want anyone to suffer especially my friends. Hope everyone stay happy and do not worry the least for me..]
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| Reflections |
[11 Nov 2009|01:31pm] |
"People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories, diagrams of all of their old wounds. Most of our old wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them, don’t. Some wounds, we carry with us everywhere and though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers.”
- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy
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[06 Nov 2009|07:22pm] |
I think i'll be wandering on the streets again soon.. And i need to find the courage to accept my failure again, although i really dont know how am i going to do it..
ITs not just about persevering, tolerating and enduring.. its about losing the drive and motivation in your life and how to get it started again.
next whole week burned, including weekends. im not complaining, infact i think its the final sprint.
Is life supposed to be like this? taking away everything that means so much to me?
i dont know. all i know is that its hard to even find a reason that im living for now..
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[06 Nov 2009|07:05pm] |
the day i got called into my boss's office, i know my whole life is screwed.
im tired, restless and over-stressed. really hope there is someone here for me. .for me to lie on when im tired, someone to talk to when i want to complain or express my gribes about how work is so stressful, how i skipped lunch everyday and abt that fateful day when i cried aft the scoldings..
i screwed up everything i have/had. I've tried so hard and im tired with everything
All i can say is im good -for-nothing and useless.
....maybe that's the reason why you left...
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| Solitude |
[28 Oct 2009|10:02pm] |
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A happy face masked over a broken heart
drew this in class today. haha. was really bored during lesson. This is only one of the many drawings. Back to reality from tmr onwards, feeling dreadful but i dont have a choice, do i? argh. Hope tonight will be peaceful. goodnight world..
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| Halloween |
[26 Oct 2009|05:30pm] |
Halloween is coming.. went to catch Halloween II with cin and sx the other day. its the worst show ive ever watched, cos not only the storyline is missing, there are alot of gross scenes. its M18 btw, so can imagine how gross the scenes were. The movie is all about Michael Myers going around killing people, in his horrifying mask.. soo think twice if u wana catch that show..
Life's been peaceful i should say, but not sure if its good for me:) occasionally, i get surprises and also good news.. but shall not elaborate much on that.
Been reading this novel "A thousand splendid suns", keeps me on my feet and gets time going..
Still going for my yoga classes every weekend and tink it helps as well..
well, i guess memories are here to stay. Alot of questions remain unanswered, but i believe i will have the answer in time to come. it could be a second-time blow for me but i hope i would have the courage to face the truth by then.
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| Straight through my heart |
[24 Oct 2009|12:34am] |
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Today's a very special day. Its mum's birthday and also Annie's big day. just came home from the wedding dinner. finally a happy ending to a 10Y relationship :) my warmest blessings to the newly weds.. i know she'll be v v xingfu. :))
And not forgetting.. happy birthday mum..
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straight thru my heart, and i cant stop the bleeding.
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| silent remedy |
[19 Oct 2009|12:04am] |
one week of induction course finally overr. two more weeks to go. need to endure and persevere on..
been living in a world of my own. maybe a break from all the sources of misery? Gonna have to keep going and not to look back again. VERY tough, but HAVE to be done. As i said before, this is life and we dont have a choice. :(
Im gradually getting a clearer picture of the harsh truth of life. Things may not be as simple as it always seems. I just chose to see it in a simpler way becos the complicated way hurts much more, but that doesnt mean that im ignorant.
Goodnight world.
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[03 Oct 2009|10:38pm] |
went to catch 'the ugly truth' today with the usual clique.
and yes, the truth is always ugly and never what we want to see eventually..it takes courage to look at it in ur eyes and tell yourself that this is it, the truth and whether anot i want to accept it, it'll always be there and nothing can be changed.
I may not have the power to change things to what i want it to be, but i have the power to change myself to what i want myself to be. Many times, i found myself breaking the ground rules, doing silly things that i know will never bring about a change, yet i dont know why i did it. I dont understand why i find it so hard this time, dont understand why my determination n perseverence is not strong enough to pull me through. yes the pain makes me feel like im going to die any moment and its been like this for months. i know its here to stay, it never seems to go away.
its not just losing a person, but also losing my entire heart
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[02 Oct 2009|10:27pm] |
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NB class today is a total killer! body sculpting exercises working out with weights, resistance bands, stepboards and doing crunches and all.
i have difficulty walking after the class and my whole body is aching.. heard that desiree's class is super siong but i wanted to experience it for myself and this is how it is like!!
still, i see alot of aunties there who managed to pull through the entire one hour work-out class.. so i told myself i have to conquer this. i cannot lose to those aunties!!
Intensive building up of stamina from today onwards.. :(
wanted to do some yoga before i sleep but i think i dont have the strength anymore.
Goodnight world.
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| short term and long term goals |
[01 Oct 2009|11:38pm] |
Short term goals:
-Driving licence
- take up yoga + pilates classes
- take up part-time jap classes
- learn to play guitar
-get my first gucci wallet
- get myself healed completely
Long Term goals:
- Volunteer travel to Cambodia (1 mth missionary trip)
- Backpack to Tasmania
- Promotion (*pray hard)
- volunteer work every weekend (commitment needed)
- Getaway at Mauritius :) (the sand, the sea, the sun...)
Like i said, time is precious.. so many things to do and so little time.. and age is catching up with me..
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| any other birthday wishes but this... |
[30 Sep 2009|11:46pm] |
1st Oct.. but just like any other day..
i'd rather not expect anything, not hope for anything.. i'll just take things as it comes..
every year, my birthday wish is to be spending it with the same person.. but maybe this year, i need to wish for something else. anyway, wishes are wants, but it might not be what u will get. takes two hands to clap.
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| yoga |
[27 Sep 2009|12:04am] |
went for my first yoga class today..
my whole body is aching now :(
but feel rejuvenated after the class....
i need a yoga mat!!
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